NOW I’VE GOT AN AMBITION. NOT!

          “What do you want to be?” Now there’s a question that’s thrown at you every other day when you are growing up. I’m sure, like me, you changed the answer to that question as frequently as it was asked. For the most part of my childhood, I spent dreaming about being a Super-hero. A knight in a shining armour to rescue some damsel in distress if you will. Off course, it didn’t matter that I was an absolute wuss. When I grew up, I was sure I was going to be fearless.

 

          Then I discovered music. I saw my brother perform “Nasha Bhitra” (it’s a Nepali song) at some function organized by our church. I wanted to do that. I gave up that idea however, when I discovered how good (which is to say how bad) I really was. I kinda feel bad for all those people who had to endure my various “gems” when I decided to give them impromptu performances. My ambition of becoming an author, a poet, a professional football (soccer) player, traveler, photographer, all similarly got dashed one by one as I grew up.

 

          I don’t know about other countries, but in India, it is fairly normal for parents to frequently remind you what a failure you have been. It’s part of growing up and you learn to take it in your stride as you leave your teenage and hormones behind. Plus, the constant use does takes away its bite.

 

          I’m 26 years old now. And I’ve got a decent job which pays me enough to feed myself and my family with some to spare. It’s by no means a success story, but I believe its not a failure either. Sure I couldn’t be an author, but I can read. A treasure trove of knowledge and literature that I won’t be able to finish reading in my lifetime, even if I read at break-neck speed. I play football with kids at my neighborhood every chance I get, so there’s another box checked right there. My job allows me to travel quite frequently. I get transferred to new location every 2-3 years. I guess its not that frequent, but it will do. Most days I blare out the music system and sing along, and that makes me happy. Mostly because I don’t hear the mistakes that I make. And it irritates the hell out of my neighbors so that’s a plus. As for Photography? Well, I guess, I didn’t really wanted to be one.

 

          What we want usually comes at a price. Ambition, hunger, the drive to do whatever it takes and sacrifice everything else is good. Important even. But I figure everyone can’t have that. I certainly don’t. Life throws at you unexpected challenges. And more often than not, what you’re given is not what you actually wanted. But you have to make the best out of it. And hey! The kids in my neighbourhood do appreciate my game!

SONGS FOR MY SOUL

So I’m home. The best thing about it (well off course other than the being home part) was that, everyone was there. The married ones with their better halves. The unmarried ones enjoying not having to go to college. Six days of festivities and playing cards. Joy! On top of it, the eldest brother had a collection of some 900 songs on him. Off course I had to copy them all. Boy! It did take a lot of hard work to sort them out. Let me tell you, having to listen to complete trash is easy. You can easily delete them. And the good ones directly gets saved. But what about the borderlines? Took me six days to sort them out. 157 out of 900 have survived. And its just the first cut. I’ll have to give a good listen to them once or twice over to fully decide.

There’s Queen, Maxi Priest, Scorpions, Saxon, Hot Chip. Frankly, other than Queens and Scorpions, I’d never heard of the others. Plus there’s smattering of other artists who have only one or two songs left back. I like to listen to new songs and new artists. But I’ve seldom outgrown the songs and artists that I’ve grown up listening to. My song collection is not sorted out in terms of genre, or artist or such other chronological methods. No. I keep my musics in one folder. A new folder for every year. The first one says “2009-2010” but it actually is a collection of all the songs that I’d collected from 2007. You get the drift. I’m currently on 2012-2013. If you look closely to the songs on them, you will get to see my gradual change of taste. Its a reflection of the change that came up on me. The songs that I listened to, in a particular year, the reason that I liked them in the first place, is in itself a tell on how I was.

I will dwell upon all those in another entry. For now, I have to listen to these songs. 🙂